


Disgusted

by Confused_Gull



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character study(?), Established Relationship, I'm not sure what thier relationship is in the fic, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Projection, Sakusa is worried about Atsumu's mental health, Self-Esteem Issues, but I like to think it's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27107203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confused_Gull/pseuds/Confused_Gull
Summary: Atsumu seemed different today, Sakusa is worried about what that means...Prompt: Has it always been this silent?
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 154
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Disgusted

**Author's Note:**

> Author is trying so goddamn hard to not project it's not even funny anymore. I might make it a seperate series, let me know in the comments down below. Not betaed just saying...

They had lost a particularly hard game against Schwieden Adlers. Not that important. They put on a good show. Everyone played to the best of their abilities and the Adlers happened to have done a bit better. The margin for the games wasn't big, it was a long and tiring game, but it wasn't a big deal.

Atleast not to everyone else.

Miya Atsumu was not everyone else.

Sakusa remembered the hollow look in Atsumu's eyes. He swore that his smile was even faker than usual, Hinata could also tell there was something off, but he didn't say anything just asking him if everything was alright with Atsumu.

Sakusa didn't know how to approach such a situation. It felt off, like a warning, he couldn't tell why but he felt as if this was something important to Atsumu and for the life of him, he couldn't tell why.

It wasn't his birthday. The team would have planned something, he still checked his phone calendar to make sure.

Was something wrong with his brother? No. He spoke with him as usual, even their bickering had a specific pattern to it, it wasn't out of the ordinary, Sakusa knew.

Was it something someone said during the game or someone's actions? No. The game was normal, people obeying his whims as usual, dancing around to the tune he played on the court unquestioned.

Sakusa wondered and wondered. From court, to shower, to packing up. He wondered why was Miya sad? Why was he not saying anything? Where were his shitty jokes? Why wasn't he making puns? Shit talking the other team? Why did Atsumu not smile?

He put on his mask ignoring Bokuto and Hinata chatting to glory, Meian and the rest were already out. His eyes fell on the blond setter who put in his supplies lethargicly. He stood silently.

Bokuto rushed out of the locker rooms hopping onto the bus. Hinata came closer.

" Sakusa-san, is Miya-san okay?"

" I'm not sure..." He looked at Atsumu from the corner of his eye, watch the other closing his locker and sitting down on the bench.

Hinata, ever the observant, looks at the setter, " Please take care of him of Sakusa-san, I think he really needs it", with that he turns around and walks out. 

So it wasn't just him, others had noticed how Atsumu was, even if they didn't mention it.

He looks back to Atsumu, sitting on the bench, eyes staring at his open palms on his lap. He seems so out of it. It made Sakusa's gut churn, a sick feeling settling in his stomach, a pressure weighing down his chest at the man before him.

He didn't know how to say, what to say, what could he do? Suddenly Atsumu looked up to see him, eyes catching for a split second, widening, before settling back down to his open palms on his thighs. 

Let's start simple.

" Are you fine, Miya?"

" ...M'fine Omi-kun."

" ...You're lying."

" ....if ya know then why did'ya ask?"

Sakusa paused, brows furrowed, He seemed upset yet tired. 

This had nothing to do with the game. This had been brewing for some time now, he could hear it in Atsumu's tone.

Atsumu was always moving. Even if he wasn't talking, he was doing something or the other.

Stretching, cracking his knuckles, fixing his hair, calculating opponents moves, checking on his own teammates, scrolling through his phone, taking pictures of everyone. 

He was always in motion, as if the energy in him kept burning and burning till it burnt out completely before reigniting just to repeat.

He had seen glimpses of this, this burn out that is, during team dinners when Atsumu would stop and just stare at his food, walls or out windows, not talking. His smile would fall. He expression always looked glum as if when he thought nobody was watching he could finally revert to how he actually felt. Eyes having dulled down, from it's usual golden brown hue to something more muddy as if the saddness seeped into his eyes like ink being dropped into water; they looked sunken as if he had not slept properly in days and the effects finally showed, his skin loosing some of it's glow. He felt sickly, even if he was in tip-top condition. 

Just like right now.

He was always scared of it for some reason. The fact that Atsumu, of all people, was like this just seemed wrong. He knew not to judge a book by it's cover but yet. It seemed off on Atsumu, like he wasn't meant to be like this, but looked oddly at peace. As if Sakusa had seen his true nature, how he was when no one was watching. How Atsumu viewed himself.

Sakusa decided in that moment that the feeling he felt when seeing Atsumu was like this was fear.

People assumed he was way more narcissistic than he was. They hadn't seen him though. Atleast not what Atsumu didn't want to show them. 

Sakusa would even reckon to say that he didn't really like himself. Atsumu trusted in his abilities, his pride but that was not who he was.

He loved his abilities, his capabilities and his talents but not himself.

Atsumu seemed to have perfected a mask.

It never cracked. No paparazzi had even gotten a glimpse of it. Sure they seen him embarrassed and making an utter fool of himself in public. But vulnerability? 

Never. 

Not even a hint.

" Do you wanna talk?" He decided to pry a bit more.

" About what Omi?"

His tone was so flat...

" About how you're feeling."

" I'm fine.." Atsumu ran a hand through his hair.

" You know I'm worried about you, right Atsumu?"

A short pause between them.

Sakusa waited, hoping the other would speak.

He did.

" Ya ever been disgusted by yerself Omi-kun?" There was a certain sincerity in those eyes and voice.

What? What did Atsumu mean by that? Disgusted by himself?

" I'm not quite sure what you mean. Are you disgusted by yourself Atsumu?"

" ...Yep. I've just wanted to end-...no you know what, ya already have to much on yer plate, I'll deal with this later...let's get going Omi-kun. Maybe another time, maybe a different day, but not right now."

Atsumu got up to leave, Sakusa caught his jacket sleeve, ignoring the feeling in fingers, and shutting out his mind who was screaming at him to pull back.

" Talk to me, please Atsumu."

Atsumu turned to him, looking away quickly, were those tears in his eyes?

" ...Sit with me on the bus...maybe when we go home..."

Atsumu walked out, leaving him alone in the locker room, in the deafening silence.

He never realised how quite the room was. Was it like this before or after Atsumu left? Or had it always been like this?

**Author's Note:**

> Twt: Confused_Gull.
> 
> I'm really worried about a friend right now.  
> Please take care of people in your life and of yourself, think multiple times before sending messages, even if they are, or you think they are genuinely nice comments, please please be careful, confidence and self-esteem issues spare no one. I'm so scared.


End file.
